Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
