Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
