You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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