A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
