I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
