Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
