dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
