We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
