look no pants
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize