I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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