Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
