I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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