A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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