and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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