I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
