Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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