its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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