i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
