he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
