I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
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she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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