Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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