He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
