Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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