White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
