I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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