I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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