Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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