i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
