i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
