I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
