Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
