I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
