Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize