WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
it's like heaven, but drunker
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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