What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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