i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize