Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I had to cum in my sink.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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