meet me or not, i'm out of control
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
