I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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