drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
