Apparently you make a good broom.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
