LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
