ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
