ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
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She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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