I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
