i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
