If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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