I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
