Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
