if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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