Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
