The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
