I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
