You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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