i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
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Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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