That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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