his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
