bring money and cleavage
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
