Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
