Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
