I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my vag is so smooth its legendary
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
