If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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