never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
