After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
