ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
