you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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