I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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