So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
