I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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