We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
