Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
