it hurts more in the daytime
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Holy shit dude........stairs
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
